He walks into my room once more.
I wonder if I could get out the door.
Could I run away from him?
Would his reflexes be so dim?
I pretend that I am asleep.
He stands beside me as I weep.
He tells me to relax and in him trust.
These things he does to me he must.
Why, I do not know.
But he says it is so.
I wish to fight, I wish to hide.
I cringe and cry inside.
I wish to run, I wish to yell,
As, on my bed, he fell.
Could he find me if I hid?
Can’t he see I’m just a kid?
I’d try to run away,
With fear I would sway.
He’d find me, no matter where I’d gone.
This game goes on until dawn.
Finally, at dawn’s first light,
The memory fades into the night.
I am happy when my eyes open,
But at night it will always begin again.
As I run through the house,
I feel, vaguely, like a mouse.
He calls my name,
Always wanting to play the game.
The vicious cycle begins again.
Oh, will it ever end?
I am crying as I run.
Will he ever be done?
In a mirror, I see my eyes.
They’re wide, fearful, full of surprise.
Again, at dawn, he’s gone again.
When will it end?
At school, I see you.
But, in my mind, I see him, too.
Even you, I’m afraid to trust.
Because of him, all I saw was lust.
When you walked past,
I knew my life would be changing fast.
Every day I think of you.
I ignored what I knew to be true.
I can’t get you out of my head,
No matter what I’ve said.
I think of you all night.
Halting the memories until first light.
During the day, you I always see.
Without you, where would I be?
I am scared to see where I would have gone,
Waiting for safety at dawn.
Could you see that I was scared,
Every day when you saw how I fared?
Do you understand why, from you, I run?
I keep telling you that I am done.
That’s not what I really want from you.
I’m afraid to ask, not knowing what to do.
I don’t know what I need,
I wish I were up to speed.
I ask from you too much,
I even miss your touch.
I don’t know what you want from me.
I wish you’d say it bluntly.
At night you would keep me feeling fine.
You always kept me entwined.
Entranced was I with your every word.
Weird feelings in me you stirred.
I couldn’t figure out what it meant.
Every conversation left me spent.
But why is it that way?
Do I have any say?
Can I erase what I feel,
As easily as yours you had to seal?
Is it true?
Could I really be in love with you?
I can’t stand the suspense.
I can’t keep my feelings in a fence.
I’m feeling like I’m on a tether.
I feel as light, as fragile, as a feather.
What, from you, can I keep?
Feelings from me always seem to seep.
I wish I could stay here,
But I must leave, out of fear.
I don’t want to fall deeper in love.
I want to stay in the sky high above.
I want to stay aloof like I used to.
How can I do that like I used to do?
You I will dearly miss.
With you, I am in bliss.
Then I see you again.
I wish these feelings would finally end.
The nightmares are finally gone,
Not held back by the thought of dawn,
But these feelings I can’t kill,
I wish I could do that still.
What has happened to me to make this hard?
Why can’t I keep these feelings barred?
So until I can do better,
I must keep my feelings in a fetter.
I need to say goodbye,
For many reasons before I lie.
The nightmares have left me alone.
At night, I don’t have to turn, toss, and moan.
So here I am, saying goodbye to you.
Before I have to admit what is true.
Don’t try to make me see,
And, as I will it, so mote it be.
What did you think?