today, is a day where i can not get down on myself. hence, why i am not continuing on my last post today, but i will on another day.
honestly, i do not feel happy anymore. even my dad asked if i was "depressed" and boy, i never knew he even noticed that kind of stuff, let alone he notice anything about me.
i mean, before i made cupcakes right? i was getting them out of the oven, and all of a sudden i notice that my upper arm gets burned by the pan. and it hurt. it hurt like a bitch. and then, thirty minutes later, i sit there and realize, "that felt nice." because, i can control it.
all day i have been thinking about cutting again. i mean, i stole a razor from my mom, all i would have to do would be to get the blades out. and if i didn't do that, i HAVE blades on my nightstand that i could use. yes i know, they are not as sharp, but still they are better then nothing.
i don't know whats wrong either. its a feeling that i can't describe. its like i have been in a black hole for the past week, and i cannot get out of it, no matter how much i try :/
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