so, i think this is how life could seem sometimes. i don't feel comfortable in my own skin, so i hide myself behind anything i possibly can. i wear baggy clothes, i put makeup on, and i have the bangs that hide have my face. i feel guilty because i don't think people should have to look at my ugly self. yes of course sometimes, and i mean SOMETIMES, i feel pretty. its those times where i THINK i look skinny, or that i THINK i may actually attract someone. but no, of course the second time i look around in the mirror, my whole perspective changes and i remember to remind myself that i look like shit.
another thing that has been a problem for me that i constantly look into mirrors. i promise you that i am not conceited. i mostly look at myself if i have to fix something. i have gym second period and of course in the locker room there is a big mirror that you can only see your face in. where my friends lockers and mine are, we pass the mirror everyday. all four of us walk past it and look into the mirror. one of my friends complains about her hair. the other one complains about how skinny her face looks. another one complains about her makeup. i just walk past and make a funny face to make the rest of them laugh. deep inside though, im yelling at myself to fix how i look. my bangs are too long, my hair looks like shit, my eye liner is smudged, i have to learn how to put eye shadow on, my neck looks red, i have too much acne, and the list can go on and on.
ever since 5th grade i have been always considered about how i look. i weighed 110 pounds then, and probably weighed more then all the boys in my class. i got my period that year, and i had boobs. but i still felt awkward and weird. ever since then though, i have had a constant fear of people not liking me because of what i looked like.