i am good at getting convinced that everything will get better. so for now, i am still with michael.
recently however i have become more fond of my friend thomas. he has managed to talk to me every day, and i am realizing that maybe this boy might care for me, just a little bit. i don't think i deserve this care though. i only wish to be talked to, to know that someone loves me. the only problem with this is that i am told over and over, that its not how people work. they only want you for one thing, and one thing only. the pleasure for their own self. even now, i am using this blog to type up my thoughts because i need to talk about it, and because the typing on the new laptop feels good.
sometimes i wonder if i died, if i would ever be missed, or ever become important. i know my youtube videos are not that good, but haven't you noticed that if people know something that goes on, they somewhat pity you. they will talk to you, and care for you, whether it be real or fake. that is the problem with my dear friend thomas. him knowing things, i think he finds it a job to talk to me and make me feel better. that is not what i want. i want someone who will talk to me, not because they feel bad, but because they want to. i know i am boring, and i cannot seem to stop it, but i at least wish i wasn't boring to one person.